Some of you may know that I am currently qualifying as a radical forgiveness coach. As part of the qualification, each trainee is required to undertake a three-letter forgiveness process with a qualified coach, who is assigned to us. While this blog article is not intended to go into the detail of the process, there is one part of it that I would like to share with you. Though in order for you to understand what I’m referring to, I’ll first describe the three-letter forgiveness process briefly.
Three-letter forgiveness process overview
At a very high level, the three-letter forgiveness process is a set of three separate coaching sessions, delivered in person or via skype. These sessions are at least 24 hours away from each other and not more than 48 hrs away. Each 24-hour break in between the two sessions provides sufficient time for the brain to process this deep work, inclusive of processing through dreams, which is key here.
The first session is usually the longest, between 90-120 minutes because it offers an opportunity to vent all the feelings, often accumulated over long periods of time. The second session usually lasts between 30-45 minutes. The third session is the shortest – about 20-30 minutes.
The client undertakes this super powerful process in order to forgive a person for something that they did in the past or are currently doing. It is based around the writing of three separate letters to the perpetrator. It is key to note that these letters are never ever sent to anyone – they are only read to the coach, who is non-judgmental. The power of the process is in writing those letters, through which emotions are offloaded, and in reading them aloud to a real person, whose attention is focused entirely on the client reading each letter. The end effect is a real relief and a fundamental change in the perception of the initial event: from looking at it from a human perspective to obtaining a spiritual view.
Feeling the feelings
In my specific case, I was processing something really deeply personal, related to my mum, which was occurring over a number of years, starting from my childhood. During this process, my coach sang a song to me, which really helped me in feeling the feelings. She has a beautiful voice and the song had a particular significance since I was working on forgiving my mum. The song was sung as if a loving mother sang it to a child and I found it very moving. Even during this kind of deep, emotional work, when we are fully ready to feel the feelings and accept them, we might still try to find little ways of corner-cutting to avoid feeling the feelings. But with that song, there was no corner cutting with feeling the feeelings, instead there as only cutting to the chase! Feeling the real feelings that have come up in their entirety right then!
I never heard that song before and didn’t know who wrote it. But the coach shared the title and the link with me after the session. It is the song by Shaina Noll, which I would like to share with you in this article. I found myself singing it the next day and the day after as well. The words go as follows:
“How could anyone ever tell you
You were anything less than beautiful
How could anyone ever tell you
You were less than whole
How could anyone fail to notice
That your loving is a miracle
How deeply you’re connected to my soul”
I was able to really connect with it. I found it very healing and calming, perfect for any coaching work. I will certainly be playing it to my individual clients and in my workshops as well. You can find the link to the song here. Enjoy it, and I hope you find it useful as a coach and as an individual.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEtx5wFfGOQ [Online. Accessed 16th May 2018]